Really Struggling

Backtrack..
My childhood friend passed away a day ago. We have not talked in a few years and for that I feel so bad. Not for any reason, we just lost touch. In elem. school and middle we were best friends. Always together. She went to my dads with me on the weekends, she was even in my wedding. My best friend from highschool was also in my wedding and a year after our wedding she got killed in a car accident. A year after my brother got killed in a car accident.
When I heard the news today, I went and saw her parents. They live in the same house, right around the corner from me. So many memories. Seems unreal. It is so hard to understand "why". I know that no one knows when you will go, but today made me realize even more that we need to live everyday like it is our last.
If that is one thing I have learned my whole life is that. You never know!!! I miss my brother and Stormie so much. Now Jamie is with them.
It makes me really want to reconnect with several friends. I am beyond words and my mind is going ninety to nothing today.

Not to mention in 12 hours we will be heading to the hospital. We have to be there at 5:30am. I have to be strong for Wesley. But, I would be lying if I said I was not scared. Lisa is going to stay with me during surgery tommorrow, thank God for her. I did not want to be alone. Thank you all for your prayers.