Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A New Day

We got home about 12:30am from the ER. Finally after a lot of pain medicine, his headache got under control, somewhat. It never goes away, but it was much better. Today he still does not feel good, but not near as bad. It has been a while since I saw him in the pain he was in last night. So hard to watch, when there is nothing you can do but hurry the nurse up. A CT Scan was done and the ER Dr. did not see anything alarming. I did not figure they would. Basically another bad Chiari/Shunt headache. The good thing is, we got a CT Scan. The New York Dr. would like us to send him a copy, to see if he can shed light on anything. He also gave me the name of a Dr. that is closer, that he highly recommends.
I also got the name of a Dr. in Austin that a sweet lady that reads my blog gave me. I am going to start researching these two Dr.'s. I know that there is no cure for Chiari and I know that just because you have surgery does not mean you are not going to still be in pain. But, I believe in my heart that there is something that can at least help him go a day without feeling sick and having unbearable headaches. I know that his body hates this shunt and trust me we hate it too. But, the Dr.'s are saying at this point he can not live without it, so we have to work with what we have.
I will keep you posted on where the research leads us. I will admit I was mad at God last night, I have since said I was sorry. I am just struggling right now with understanding why good people suffer, why kids get cancer, why some young people die so soon. I am struggling with that right now. But, God is always near me and I all I can do is keep leaning on him.
I already see two things that have came of the last 24 hours. One is; the New York Dr. needed a CT Scan and now we have one. Also, any new Dr. we see will want to see a copy. This is an answered prayer.
Two is; God keeps showing me how blessed I am to have Wesley. There have been times in the last couple months that I wanted to pack my bags and the kids bags and run. Even though none of this is Wesley's fault and he has not asked for this, it is still very hard on me. But, that is selfish of me; can you imagine how Wesley feels? I want our life to go back to how it was two years ago, before this rollercoaster ride.I want Wesley to be able to enjoy being 31, enjoying doing the things he loves to do that he no longer can. And the reality that it will never be that way, is very hard.I do not like to say never, but we know since there is no cure all we can do is work on getting him as comfortable as we can. God has once again reminded me how much I love Wesley and how I would never leave him. How blessed I am to have such an amazing husband. He is such a strong man.
So, today is a new day and we move forward.

A bit of an update on my job. For the ones that do not know I have been going through a three month training school and it has not been easy. I have done a lot of traveling and being up at 5am and not laying down until midnight. It has not been easy, but Friday I graduate. I have made it. As hard as it has been, I love my job. I have not once thought, ugh I do not like this. I really like it. It is such a calling for me. Bascially I help families that are struggling for many different reasons; I help them provide for there children and keep them safe. Our goal is for the children to stay with their parents, for them to better theirselves, and the children not get removed. Working 40 plus hours is not easy as I know many of you know. Even you stay at home moms, you work more then 40 hours. I have been there and done that, and it is not a easy job. But, through it all I do like my job and I do like working. The kids are still being much cared for :)
Wesley has them most of the time and then my mom helps. Thank you Lord for my mom, she is amazing. And now the time I have with them is even more precious.

Feels good to be back to blogging. Thank you all for your continous prayers.

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