Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Good Cry

Does that make anyone feel better? You know what, I think I can barely cry anymore. Is that possible? I am going to be honest, I told God tonight that I am not for sure what to even say anymore.
Wesley has been doing pretty well. Just a few minor headaches. The thing with Chiari is, you can be fine one min. and sicker then a dog the next. Tonight he started getting a "bad" headache again and feels like throwing up. He has taken a lot of medicine so far nothing. We are just hoping we stay out of the ER tonight. Who knows what has caused this. Did he do to much? Is it the shunt? Or is it just a Chiari headache that we know he will get from time to time? Ugh.. Thats what is hard.We feel like we have tried everything. I am sure there are things we have not tried, but we feel like our heads are spinning. What have we done? What have we not done? It all mixes together.
I can not even explain the stress this brings to the table. As he put it tonight, "he sits in his chair and wants to spend time with his wife and can not even move out of the chair because he hurts so bad".
I feel like it is just a Chiari headache and we know he will have those from time to time.Wesley will be ok, I know that. But, I guess it boils down to the fact that we are just sick and tired of him having bad nights.

I had someone ask how I am able to blog how I feel for the world to see. This is why. I am not going to pretend that our life is peaches and cream. This is real. This is what a blog is for. It is like a diary. I am not a fake person and I am not going to pretend that nothing is wrong. Wesley does enough of that for both of us. I also want people to know that it is normal to feel up and down. I do know that I am normal. HEHE. Tomorrow I will feel better. I never loose my faith. But, yes I have nights like this when I am upset and really ask God, "WHY"! What am I supose to do? Please lead me and give me strength. It will be ok.

I also know that this little angel is going to be ok.

I love this picture. She looks so happy and full of energy. You would never know anything is wrong with her.

1 comment:

Marla.z said...

It must have been something in the Texas air. I had the worst headache last night, too. I'm still disoriented today.

I've been meaning to type you an email, and have every intention of doing so, just to introduce myself to you. I'm sure I'll get some time to do that by the end of the week. In the meantime, you can always check out my blog...


I don't directly write about my Chiari, but since it is part of my life, it shows up in my blog an awful lot lately.